SCP-673

Item #: SCP-673

Object Class: Safe

Special Containment Procedures: Due to the nature of SCP-673, the difficulty in containment procedures arises from locating the anomaly. The item seems to follow no set pattern of dispersal, and can appear in any mailbox at any time. Fortunately, the volume of instances has been quite low to date; therefore current resources have been adequate.

Identification of SCP-673 usually occurs during our routine sweeps of the USPS return-to-sender records. Once an article of SCP-673 has been identified, the envelope is retrieved and the enclosed bill paid immediately. The Foundation then acquires the home or business at the address on the bill through the usual clandestine means: through sudden foreclosure and evacuation of the residents due to condemnation of the building. Once the location has been secured, a team of Agents posing as replacement residents resides there, and bills are paid from the location as the arrive.

Description: SCP-673 is the collective name for six instances of billing records that have been delivered to random addresses within the United States (henceforth referred to as SCP-673-1 through SCP-673-6). In each case, the bills come from, and request payment be sent to, the same address: 1624 Lapsley St, Selma, AL 36701. Investigation into this address revealed that the location is operated by a car insurance salesman named ████ ███████. Mr. ███████ does not appear to have any connection to the bills; he has not sent them out, nor do the payments appear at his address when they are made. Attempts to locate any of the corporations that have allegedly issued the bills have failed.

In each case, the bill that arrives is for a service or utility that the residents of the location do not possess. Simple payment of the bill by the current resident appears to have no adverse effect on the location the bill is sent to, nor the residents themselves. However, if the bill is not paid in a timely manner by the resident attached to it, anomalous effects have been shown to occur in connection with the alleged service provided by the bill's issuer.

Six instances of SCP-673 have been identified thus far. It is possible that more exist, but have not yet been located by Foundation Agents. The six known cases are listed below.

SCP-673-1. Issued by Polylogue Starthemes. Cost: $54 USD/month. Payment appears to be for a holographic cable service, issued to the original resident, one Mr. █████ ███, a cellular phone salesman. Mr. ███ reportedly threw the bill out, thinking it was a joke. A second bill was sent, including late payment notice. Mr. ███ marked this bill "return to sender" and returned it to the Post Office. Approximately two weeks later, Mr. ███'s wife and two children disappeared while he was at work. During the resultant police investigation, the incident caught the attention of one of our Agents in the area. Mr. ███ was taken into Foundation custody and Agent ██████ was set up in his home. A third bill came, which was paid by the Agent using Foundation funds. Mr. ███'s wife and children reappeared six days later, now recognizing Agent ██████ as head of their household. Agent ██████ has been retained at this location. Current containment procedures devised.

SCP-673-2. Issued by Xod-C Gas Corporation. Cost: $36 USD/month. Payment appears to be for nitrogen delivery, issued to the original resident, one Ms. █████ █████, an editorial writer for a local free newspaper. Ms. █████ reportedly ripped up the bill. A second bill was sent, including late payment notice. Ms. █████ ripped up this bill as well. Several days following, Ms. █████ went to her physician complaining of abdominal discomfort and listlessness. A series of routine tests determined that she had suddenly acquired a massive protein deficiency, and over the next few days she began to show outward signs of anorexia, edema and ulcerating dermatoses. Foundation researchers who regularly review unusual medical anomalies discovered the discrepancy, and hours later Agent ███ and Dr. ███████ had set up in Ms. █████'s apartment. Ms. █████ was instructed to pay the next bill out of her own bank account, which she did when it arrived. In the week following, her protein deficiency subsided completely. Ms. █████ was then taken into Foundation custody, and Agent ███ has been retained at this location.

SCP-673-3. Issued by US Department of Semisolids. Cost: $12 USD/month. Payment appears to be a federal tax on toilet paper usage, issued to the original resident, one Mr. ████ ██████, a retired senior citizen. Curiously, Mr. ██████ paid this bill for nine months without question before finally calling up local government offices to complain. The amusement of the various telephone operators he encountered, in conjunction with his cranky and acerbic manner and tendency to ramble tangentially, became the focus of an internet website: TaxMyPoop.com. More amazingly, this incident somehow completely escaped the Foundation's notice until the formation of the aforementioned site, which became quite popular among the senior staff. An official investigation into the sequence of events revealed that SCP-673-3 was responsible, and a small Task Force was dispatched to Mr. █████'s residence. Negotiations occurred which allowed the Foundation to take the bill over from Mr. █████, which he agreed to forward to a secure address using postage-paid envelopes of our issuing. Mr. ██████ has been allowed to remain at his address under Foundation observation, as removing him, and the incredibly popular website devoted to him, would cause far more problems.

SCP-673-4. Issued by Excalibur 4G. Cost: $28 USD/month. Payment appears to be for an online MMORPG titled "Occupation Universe: Quest of the Librarian", issued to the original recipient, one Mrs. █████ ████, a local librarian. Mrs. ████ marked the bill "return to sender" and returned it to the Post Office. By this time, experience with incidents SCP-673-1 through SCP-673-3 had made identifying new potential cases of SCP-673 far easier, and Agent █████ was rapidly installed at Mrs. ████'s address after the bill was retrieved. Agent █████ paid the next bill using Foundation funds. Several days later, Agent █████ received a call from the local library where Mrs. ████ had been employed, asking why she was running late for work. Agent █████ has been retained at this location, and has been issued tools and wardrobe appropriate to her new occupation.

SCP-673-5. Issued by Blackfeather Fine Latex Products LLC. Cost: $87 USD/month. Payment appears to be for a monthly skin graft operation, issued to the original recipient, one Ms. █████ ██████, a New York socialite. As with SCP-673-3, this incident was not identified by the Foundation for an unusual amount of time due to the recipient simply paying the bill when it came, in this case without it likely being known what it was for, due to Ms. ██████'s affluence. Incident Report 673-5-██-██ details how the Foundation was alerted to the situation, and includes reference photos of Ms. ██████'s artificial subcutaneous tissue deteriorating at the dance club where the report was made. Agent ████████ has been installed at the late Ms. ██████'s former address.

SCP-673-6. Issued by Sharp and Hancock Fusion Power. Cost: $93 USD/month. Payment appears to be for monthly deuterium delivery, issued to the original recipient, one Mr. ███████ ████, a self-employed carpenter. Mr. ████ marked the bill "return to sender" and returned it to the Post Office. Foundation operatives were able to install Agent ███ at Mr. ████'s former residence within two days. The next bill was paid using Foundation funds. No effects have been reported, but it bears noting that the standard local electric bill has been terminated without any action by either the Foundation or Mr. ████. Agent ███ has been retained at this location.

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