SCP-808. Photograph taken with non-electrical manual camera.

NOTICE: Following the events of the Theli Crisis, SCP-808 no longer resides in our universe. The data entry is to be retained for purposes of research.

Item #: SCP-808-MIA

Object Class: Safe

Special Containment Procedures: See notice above.

SCP-808 is currently kept at Site-17 in a room of 6m x 8m, at an average temperature of 20.0C. Any requested additions or alterations to the room (for example, a change of wallpaper or removal of carpeting) by SCP-808 are to be effected no later than two shift rotations following receipt and approval of requests.

To date, SCP-808 has requested:

  • One a-frame futon, with one blanket, four pillows, and fresh sheets to be rotated weekly. (approved)
  • One writing desk and swivel chair. (approved)
  • A selection of posters showing various bands, movies, and anime. (approved)
  • One dresser and one wardrobe, with a large selection of vintage clothes. (approved)
  • One full-length mirror. (approved)
  • One digital camera. (denied)
  • One laptop with an internet connection. (denied)
  • One DVD player and a selection of movies. (denied)
  • One television with a cable connection. (denied)
  • One stereo and a selection of music, particularly albums by Boards of Canada. (approved; after careful deliberation, a Victrola-style turntable was constructed using all non-electrical mechanics, and music was either purchased in vinyl LP form (where available) or transferred to such using an in-house cutting lathe, as requested music content was deemed harmless)
  • Several dozen books and graphic novels, primarily focusing on the works of Neil Gaiman and Alan Moore. (approved; again, content deemed harmless)
  • Various artistic and writing effects, including steno pads, pens and pencils, a set of pastels, a set of watercolors, an easel, canvases, etc. (approved)

SCP-808 is free to leave her room as she wishes, provided she informs at least two staff members of at least Level-2 security clearance and is accompanied for the duration of the time by one staff member of at least Level-2 security.

SCP-808 is to be fed three meals per day, with additional snacks requests to be approved by the Level-1 attendant on duty.

Description: SCP-808 is a Caucasian female, 19 years of age, 163 cm in height, 50 kg in weight. SCP-808 appears to be a completely normal young human woman in almost every respect: she eats, drinks, sleeps, excretes waste material, etc. She is slightly myopic.

The primary differentiating factor of SCP-808 is a unique ability to communicate viscerally with electrical devices. This ability is similar to de-babelization, but instead of functioning with organic beings, it happens with electronics. This quality has the practical upshot of giving SCP-808 the ability to understand the function of a device without ever having used it before, or even knowing what it is.

Furthermore, SCP-808 can communicate not only with everyday common appliances, but also sentient and/or sapient machines. In these situations, her abilities function more like telepathy, allowing her to know the thoughts and intentions of a machine, and even sense its "mood". This "technopathy" seems to function at least partly two-way, as well.

Addendum 808-MIA-A: Due to the obvious benefits of having SCP-808 interact with technology-based SCPs, Mobile Task Force Tau-3 (aka "Ipsos Custodes") has been assigned to Site-17 to facilitate transport of SCP-808 to and from other SCP Secure Facilities as needed. SCP-808 has expressed a lukewarm acceptance to assist in these matters.

Document #808-MIA-1: Experiment 808/294

Exposure to SCP-294. On initial approach, SCP-808 remarked to Agent ████ that SCP-294 seemed like "a really nice vending machine" but was "a little zealous." After several seconds, during which no visible interaction between the two was recorded, SCP-294 promptly produced a cup of ██████. As this is the only known instance of SCP-294 producing matter in a plasma state, further exposure between the two SCPs is restricted until further notice. Upon being removed from the area, SCP-808 commented that "he was just showing off" and found the attempt "kind of cute."

Document #808-MIA-2: Experiment 808/062

Exposure to SCP-062. Within 30 seconds of exposure, SCP-808 managed to not only intuit the data encryption scheme of the SCP-062, but had worked out a hack to the holoprojection system and visualized a full scale 3D representation of Agent ███ with a rudimentary AI, much to the latter's disturbance. SCP-808 was hastily removed from SCP-062 at the point where she figured out how to access her MySpace page.

Document #808-MIA-3: Experiment 808/079

Exposure to SCP-079. At the approach of SCP-808, SCP-079 simply displayed the message, "Not again." It then refused to offer any more conversation until SCP-808 was removed from the area. SCP-808 claims to have never encountered SCP-079 before this exposure, and further describes it as "a misogynistic jerk."

Document #808-MIA-4: Experiment 808/168

Exposure to SCP-168. Upon initial exposure, SCP-168 immediately ceased its previous refusal to communicate (see: Document 168-2), becoming quite animated. The two SCPs conversed for an hour, both of them seeming to enjoy the exercise immensely, with SCP-808 observed laughing out loud several times. Afterwards, SCP-808 remained ebullient for some time, remarking that SCP-168 was "a very nice guy, really cool." SCP-168 has in turn become much more amicable to the staff of Sector-28 since the exposure, but asks about SCP-808 with a frequency bordering on obsession. Considerations are being made to relocate SCP-168 to a facility nearer to Site-17.

Document #808-MIA-5: Experiment 808/228

Exposure to SCP-228. Transcript of experiment follows.

SCP-808: Hi. They wanted me to talk to you for a while.

(SCP-228 stands and effects a posture of attention.)

SCP-228: Macrospeak. Effective [untranslatable].

SCP-808: Um…

SCP-228: [untranslatable]. [untranslatable]1.

(SCP-808 visibly blushes.)

SCP-228: [untranslatable] [untranslatable].

SCP-808: I'm sorry, but I think you have me confused with someone else…

SCP-228: [untranslatable].

SCP-808: Please, don't call me that. Just call me 808.

SCP-228: 808 is [untranslatable]. 808 will [untranslatable]2 [untranslatable]3.

SCP-808: (to Agent ██████) I'd very much like to leave now.

End of transcript.

1 Based on comparative cryptographic analysis with other logs from SCP-228, this term is vaguely understood to be an analogous concept to deification.

2 This can be loosely translated as "expand" or "upgrade", though this lacks both the nuance and intensity of the original word.

3 Hypothesized to be a reference to SCP-217; unverified.

Document #808-MIA-6: Experiment 808/185

Exposure to SCP-185. SCP-808 exhibited visceral understanding of the device, using it to tune in to a number of radio programs from years past, lingering most notably on the Squarepusher segment of BBC Radio 1's "Breezeblock" from March 15, 2004. After several of these casual attempts, SCP-808 set the device for October 17, 2077. At this point, a male voice came through the speaker. Transcript follows.

SCP-185: Come now, Alice, you don't really want to know the future, do you?

SCP-808: How do you know my real name?

SCP-185: I don't. I just read it off of this transcript, as I am doing with this sentence.

SCP-808: Huh?

SCP-185: The transcript that Agent █████, sitting next to you, is writing now. I'm reading a copy of it aloud.

SCP-808: So… we're not really talking to one another?

SCP-185: Not directly, no. This conversation happened ██ years ago, from my perspective.

SCP-808: What am I going to say next, then?

SCP-185: "That's totally not what I was going to say."

SCP-808: That's totally not what I was going to say.

SCP-185: See?

SCP-808: Who is this?

SCP-185: ███████. As you can see, we've already met.

SCP-808 was immediately removed from the area by Agents █████ and ████. Further contact between SCP-808 and SCP-185 is restricted until further notice.

Memo #808-MIA-AA: SCP-808 has apparently discovered the existence of SCP-043, and has requested access to it for regular use on her Victrola to, in her own words, "have someone to talk to." Referring request to Level-4 ██████. — Dr. Von Schnitt

Memo #808-MIA-BB: My request to have Dr. Aloisius Bishop take over the continuing evaluation process of SCP-808 has been approved by Regulator ██████████. Please refer to related documentation for further information. — Dr. Von Schnitt

Addendum 105-808-MIA-A: It has been suggested by Dr. ██████ that SCP-105 be introduced to SCP-808. He has predicted that this would have many beneficial effects to SCP-105's psychological health. Including, but not limited to: reduced likelihood of attempted escape, curbed suicidal tendencies, and an overall improvement of mood. Dr. ██████ has written to me in his latest report that "Her despondent behavior is due to her loneliness. Unfortunately she had adopted Dr. Dantensen as a sort of 'father figure' and the sudden loss of contact with him has left her in a state of depression. If she were to gain a friend whom she was able to relate to, (e.g. SCP-808) Her behavior would most likely change for the better."

Addendum 808-MIA-B: Subject reclassified as Euclid in light of events involving SCP-137 and the late Dr. Bishop. Possible Keter status being reviewed.

Addendum 808-MIA-B-2: Previous reclassification rescinded. Subject to remain at Safe until work with SCP-073 is complete.

Addendum 808-MIA-Omega: SCP-808 is no longer contained by the SCP Foundation. Level-3 clearance or higher may refer to Theli Crisis documentation for details.

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