The Fishmonger's Personnel File

Personnel File #██████-███

Codename: "The Fishmonger" (alternate diminutive "Fish")

Real Name: Kilroy Estaban Aquinas (possibly an alias)

Occupation: Euclid-class object adviser.

Security Clearance Level: O0 (Observer Zero)

Facility Location: Variable; currently residing at Site-██

History: The man called Fish came to the attention of the Foundation on ██████ ██, 19██, following extensive cross-referencing of a number of files dated from 18██ to 21██, all of which contained at least apocryphal references to the same individual.

He was approached by the Foundation on ██████ ██, 19██, at which time he was working in a fish market in Long Beach Island, New Jersey. Questioning of the subject revealed that he had extensive knowledge of cybernetics, quantum physics, bio- and techno-psychology, n-dimensional trigonometry, and a number of other disciplines, some of which will not be defined by common academics until 20██. When asked why he was employed in such a low-level job, he merely shrugged and said "it gives me time to think."

He is presently kept in reserve for situations involving temporal displacement of future technologies into our time. He has been invaluable in other cases, as well, most notably at the incident at █████ █████, in which several dozen Agents were lost to [DATA EXPUNGED].

He is also a master chef, and frequently prepares elaborate meals for both personnel and SCPs alike, taking great joy in the activity.

Excerpt from Interview 7881-09-██-█:


The Fishmonger: Is that what you think? No, I wasn't sent here by anyone. I came of my own volition.


The Fishmonger: Well, it keeps me busy, doesn't it? What is that old saying… "idle hands are the Devil's tools." That's a bit of an exaggeration, actually; they're more like the Devil's watercolor paints.


The Fishmonger: Of course I'm speaking from experience.

Excerpt from Interview 8144-12-██-█:


The Fishmonger: Because I'm a very good listener, and a very good watcher.


The Fishmonger: No, not that kind of watcher. Why do you people always read so many things into what is said to you?


The Fishmonger: There's covering your bases, and then there's being paranoid.


The Fishmonger: Perhaps, but it's more than a bit hubristic to assume that things are trying to kill you specifically, isn't it? The honeybee certainly has no intention of masturbating the flower, but that's what happens regardless. Frankly, you're not that important.


The Fishmonger: I make observations, not threats.

Continuing Assignments:

  • SCP-228 Environment-Powered Android
  • SCP-299 Boolean Sidestepper (deceased)
  • SCP-303 Reel-to-reel Tapeworm
  • SCP-434 Picotech Engine
  • SCP-436 Universe-Hopping Restroom
  • SCP-496 Datura
  • SCP-513 Stem Cell Organism
  • SCP-673 Mystery Utility Bill
  • SCP-727 Document Daath-Omega (rendered irrelevant)
  • SCP-808 Technopath (returned to her home dimension)
  • SCP-908 The Rendic Climps

Additional Files:

  • Incident 228-A
  • Personal Journal of Dr. Aloisius Bishop
  • The Theli Crisis Report ("Wanderlust")
  • Document 217-GG-2008 ("Union")
  • Experiment Log 217-Phi-Sigma
  • To The Best Of My Ability, Preserve, Protect and Defend
  • Dossier RM-46: The Black Queen
  • Sign of the Times
  • Chronicles of the Black Queen: Knight Moves


Excepting the original XK-class End-of-the-world scenario, I invented all of the other K-class scenarios. It's true! Thing is, I usually just threw them in to add a bit of spice to an article or to clever-dick myself out of a writing corner, so they're admittedly not very well thought-out. I'm going to use this space to try and iron out just what each of them means.

CK-CLASS: Reconfiguration
This one's a bit muddy. Clef, Kondraki, and myself (and probably others) have all made references to this Class of disaster, and unfortunately we've all done it patently differently. The best explanation is that the world as we know it is fundamentally changed in some manner which renders all previous measures of "normal" irrelevant. It may mean a significant change in the timeline at a critical point in human development; it may mean that the physical laws of the universe work differently. This is probably the most vague of the K-class scenarios, but it does have the dubious benefit of being one that ensures there will be some kind of universe.

FK-CLASS: Self-sustaining paradox
My brain hurts just thinking about this one. I'll explain later.

LK-CLASS: Species transmutation
The Theli Crisis was an example of this; a fundamental alteration of human (or other) species so that the original stock is forever lost. Most mutation viruses (clockwork, zombie, etc.) fall in this category, as would directed eugenics and some nanocrises.

XK-CLASS: End-of-the-world
It blowed up real good.

ZK-CLASS: End-of-reality
A theoretical scenario that exists at some point in the Foundation's future. The most awful and finite of the K-classes, this scenario not only destroys Earth, all Gods and Powers, and everything else in the multiverse, but also the site this is written on and all of you reading it. It's like Dhalgren gone horribly, impossibly wrong; a fictional disaster so awesome and powerful that it even obliterates the author.

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